Sporting why

So Wimbledon's on. Sharapova went out to one of the Williams women, which is a bit unnecessary if you ask me. Sport is supposed to be about entertainment isn't it? Roddick lost to some lad from Taiwan, though the BBC aren't allowed to call it that for fear of the UK being immediately annihilated by Chinese bombs. Scotty Murray went through, shouting and yelling like the horrible provincial oaf he is.

Brazil are currently caning the proffered backsides of Chile in the World Cup. It's been over a day since England went out and I've still not heard of anyone who gives a fuck. Laughing at that shower of bastards is always better when they've been genuinely hounded out of a tournament. We couldn't laugh in 1990, even though not a single human being with an IQ above 95 actually thought more highly of Paul Gascoigne than they do of those cunts who have to stop at the top of escalators to put down their wheeled suitcase and lift its handle. Now we can look at John Terry and add "worse footballer than Matthew Upson" to his lengthy list of shameful descriptions, and chuckle at length.

Beating Australia in the cricket again. That's right, again. At this point I'm duty bound to use the phrase "Aussie baaaaaaaaaaaaastards", even though I went there a few years ago and it's far nicer than Yorkshire, Derbyshire, Glamorgan and many of the other irredeemable hovels the UK has on offer outside of its marvellous capital.

Sport sport sport. Why why why. It does help to bring down cultural barriers, to promote progressive values and bring the world together. On the phone earlier my mum called it 'poofball', but to be fair she has always been a mean right-winger.

Tune for a day: Can't Smile by Vex Red.